This post is for Clem, who will hopefully let me craft the Introduction to his new book, entitled "The Rise and Fall of the Mirage Poker Room".

Wed night (11pm - 2am): Flamingo: all nitty locals, average age at my table was 82. I swear that the guy in the 7 seat on table 4 fought at Appomattox with the Army of the Potomac. Best moment: Leaving, frankly.

Wed night (2am - 4:30am): Bally's: No drunken donktacular fun - reasonably solid players grinding it out except for the crazy guy who lost $800 in two hands, went on tilt, threw a chip rack at a guy, and almost got put through a wall by security. Best moment: Being able to make jokes the entire rest of the trip like "You can do anything you want on Las Vegas Boulevard.....except throw a chip rack at a guy" and "I raise $20, and will now bounce this chip rack off your forehead". Good times.

Thursday (noon - 6:00pm): MGM Grand: Great game (below average tourists), but unfortunately the dealer royally screwed up a hand that my buddy and I were involved in and it seems that he paid the wrong player (failed to recognize a full house). The floor was called, and the MGM Grand went to instant reply, but upon further review, the ruling on the felt stood (apparently the camera is similiar to the one that Zapruder used in Dealy Plaza and they couldn't see our turned over hole cards). My buddy got some comp dollars on his player's card and I reimbursed him for what he put into the pot so it worked out basically even, but still, what's up with the misread hand and then the 1 hour video review? Best moment: Announcing to the table in no uncertain terms that I was now on undeniable, unadultered, unstoppable, tilt. I used different terms, but the idea was effectively conveyed, let's leave it at that.

Thursday (6:30pm - 10:30pm): Planet Hollywood: Another good game. Lots of tourists at a fun table. Finally had to leave when the nice older gentlemen to my left from Canada proceeded to give me his life story and repeatedly tell the table how he never played the game before and didn't know to protect his hand, post blinds, or place bets. Inexplicably, he understood how to check-raise, value-bet, and stack chips faster than Jason Alexander can part his hair. Just as inexplicably, nobody at the table could beat this guy except me (took a big pot when I straightened out over his top set and doubled up when I turned a boat over his rivered Ace-high flush). I should have tried to type my pin number into this guy's arm and just withdraw money from him - it would've been more expeditious (and 1000x more amusing). Best moment: Openly mocking the State of Canada as "America's Hat" and "The Gateway to Alaska and Other Fantastically Cold Places". Apologies in advance to Daniel Negreanu. Strangest moment: When the aforementioned Canadian ATM proceeded to follow me into the bathroom, mumbling the entire time. Something about Obama and oil and Canada. I wonder if Canada will be a red or blue state.....

Thursday (11:00pm - 2:30am): Bellagio: Had a good time here after oohing and ahhing over Bobby's Room. My table had alot of comments for my Yankees hat and my #9 Cowboys jersey. I had fun translating what the motormouthed kid from NY was babbling for the rest of the table, as he spoke so fast he could recite War and Peace in the time it takes me to look at my hole cards. In other news, apparently, the Bellagio serves table-side shots. This might be the greatest accomplishment for modern man since we found fire, discovered penicillin, and invented the Reuben sandwich. Warning: This room gets very hot, and smells like a gym. Note: I have no idea how a gym smells - this is just a guess, but I'm supposing that it smells like alot of body odor. If I'm right, then yeah - this place smells like a gym. Nice room outside of that though. Best moment: Checking out Bobby's Room and imagining those guys playing there while I am heroically grinding out $1/2 NLHE. I use the term heroically in the same sense that I raise 6x the pot with K-2 suited in early position - loosely.

Friday (12:00pm - 6:00pm): Mirage My new 3rd favorite place on the entire planet (supplanting the old Yankee Stadium from anytime between 1995 - 2001). Comfortable, open room, perfect temperature, and I took down their High Noon $60 NLHE tournament to get me back above even for the trip. This was my first tournament cash. I will now craft a letter to Steve Wynn asking to pitch a small tent in the back of the poker room, and will plan to only leave the Mirage Poker Room to go work out in the Bellagio Poker Room. (No, that's not true - I'll only smell like it). Best moments: Looking out over a mountain of yellow and purple stacks at the final table, drinking at least 14 Crown & Ginger's throughout Levels 1-10, and watching a friend of mine also make the final table. Worst moments: Realizing I had to knock my friend out of the final table when I had A-A vs his A-4. He still cashed in his first tourney ever though, which is awesome.

Friday (7:00pm - 11:00pm): Venetian: Whoever recommended that hit this room, thank you sir. Drink service was a bit slow, but otherwise it was a very comfortable room with lots of.....well, let's be frank. It was full of bad poker players. I would have included myself in this category, but I was the defending Mirage Resort and Casino High Noon Texas No-Limit Hold 'Em Poker Tournament Champion. Plus, I was roasting marshmellows by my tent at table 17 at the Mirage Poker Room later that night, so that makes me a good guy. Best moment: Realizing that I was still the Undisputed Mirage Resort and Casino High Noon Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament Champion. I will now petition Steve Wynn to rename the event the Romo Invitational (and relocate it to the Jessica Simpson room in Cabo).

Friday (11:30pm - 2:00am): Caesar's Palace: Loved this place. 2nd favorite poker room in Vegas. Our first time with 1/3NLHE. There was no wait to play (at least not for the MRCHNTNLHEPTC - they opened a new table for me and I graciously allowed my friends and some other people to join me......let's face it, playing solitare in a poker room is just weird.). It was a very open, very comfortable room filled with rich people who like to go into their wallets with reckless abandon. Seriously, some of these players had gills they were so fishy. Very personable dealers. Quick drink service. Awesome looking mint-colored $2 chips (they actually call them "mints"). I took 12 of them home for my collection. NOTE: These chips are not actually mints. Do not try to eat them. Definitely do not try to chew them. If you do, definitely call your dentist, orthodonist, and pyschiatrist, in the that order. Best moments: Getting some unexpected respect from the table for calling down my Q-7 for a big pot and a K-Q-8-4-3 board. The other player lead out on every street, I called him all the way down, and he mucked. Don't ask me why but I sensed he was weak. I don't get reads often (still starting my poker career), but let's be honest - he should've known better than to try to push the MRCHNTNLHEPTC off a pot. Doesn't he realize who I am? Other great moments: Getting talked into a $5 bet at the table for "I think Posey will take the next shot in overtime versus the Lakers and you can have the field". Posey proceeded to heave up a 37 foot off-balance one handed desperation shot off the wrong foot and with one eye closed while making the Vulcan sign for "Live Long and always Continuation Bet" with the other hand. Other great moment: Having a deep philosophical discussion about what would happen with the Cowboys if Jerry Jones suddenly perished in an unexpected plastic surgery operation. Conclusion: The Cowboys throw a kegger in the locker room - half barrells of Natty Ice, keep 'em comin'.

Other fun moments:

1. Seeing Tony Bigcharles playing at the featured High Stakes $1 single blind table at The Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon.
2. Seeking the elusive $1.99 hot dogs at The Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon. Note: The hours for the hot dog availability are posted as 11am - 10pm. The actual hours of availability are 7:58pm - 7:59:30pm. Make sure your watch is synchronized with the atomic clock at the US Naval Observatory before ordering or you miss the window.
3. Hearing 12,935 people say "Hey, doooood - yo, what happened to Romo, man?". I've never seriously considered what would happen if I tried to headbutt an oncoming car before. Seriously, I think I'd come out OK, maybe with just some superficial flesh wounds. If I hear "Hey, doooood - yo...." and the aforementioned Romo question again, I'll be sure to let everyone know how I make out.
4. Getting lost in Caesar's. Thrice. Lewis and Clark couldn't find their way out of there. If the United States Federal Government ever needs to move the gold out of Fort Knox, they can just put it somewhere in this casino and then point contradicting signs to it. Nobody will ever find it. Safest place in the world. Seriously, if nuclear war ever erupts, I'm heading to the Forum Shops - it's like NORAD. To whomever designed this casino - you are an inspeakably cruel and twisted individual. May you forever play single deck BlackJack and have to hit 12 versus an Ace with no insurance.
5. Consuming the baked fried mashed potatoes at the MGM Grand buffet. Possibly the greatest food-related item ever created. I ate enough of these to make my artieries look like the I-5 on a Friday afternoon in the summer.
6. The World Carnival buffet at the Rio. After I ate here, I definitely needed to head for a work out at the Bellagio Poker Room.
7. Being asked the question "What are the best two words in Las Vegas?" and philosophically proposing answers for the rest of trip on our way to various poker rooms. Best answers: "All-In", "Ship It", "I'm Up", "Cashing Out", "You Win", "Nice Call" and "Cowboys Kegger". Oh - and "Yankees Suck".
8. Going to the Only Burger King On The Strip in O'Sheas. It's right past the classy beer pong tables. Note that you must dress to impress. Strangely, the Only Burger King On The Strip is uninterested in a promotional deal with the MRCHNTNLHEPTC. I will have my people talk to their person. Slowly. And monosyballically.

Thanks for everyone who weighed in on where to play. We had a great time and can't wait to come back.