The Five Dolla Ballas do Vegas

My first trip to Vegas was 9 years ago with my dad to see the Iowa State Cyclones play football against UNLV. By my estimation, I have been there approximately 30 times since. So, I thought it appropriate to take the old man (heretofore known as OT, for old timer) out there this year as ISU and UNLV renewed their heated rivalry (read: yawn).

We arrived in Vegas at about 2pm on Thursday afternoon after a delay at O’Hare (surprise, surprise). As you will note, this trip was all about the deal as the old man is definitely a low roller and I always like to see how much blood I can squeeze out of, well, anything…

First order of business was getting the rental car. The new rental mall deal they shuttle you to is absolutely awesome. Fast in, fast out. I had rented us a mid size and we when we walked out to pick up the car, they said, “You can take anything the first row”. There were the usual Sebrings and PT Cruisers and whatnot, and then I spotted it: A bright orange Mustang – yeah baby! So the grey haired 36 year old and his 66 year old father with bright white new tennis shoes were off and rolling in their gangsta-mobile.

Second order of business was In-N-Out Burger. Simply a must do on any trip to Vegas.

We arrive at the less-than-swank, but utterly entertaining Imperial Palace. We parked in the garage and walked in the back entrance and didn’t realize there is actually a check in desk back there. My first Vegas bet comes through as the $20 trick gets us out of the motel in the back and way upstairs with a room on the pool side so OT didn’t have to listen to Carnaval Court every night.

Thursday saw lots of blackjack along the strip, although I did force OT to sit down with me at the IP and play some 2/4 limit. He did pretty well for his very first time playing, except the part where he would he keep folding when people would check to him. After a couple hours, we did dinner at Isla at the TI, courtesy of all the poker comps I’d racked up at the poker room there. OT decided that he was going to hit the sack so I wandered in to the TI poker room where I ran into a couple of my favorite employees Megan the late night floor and Troy the dealer who assisted my buddy Ed in winning a big pot back during the IMOP in March. He is magic with the all in button! It was quite busy at 11am on a weeknight with a tournament going and three cash games.

I haven’t even un-racked my $300 in chips in the 1/3 NL game I just sat in and I’m dealt two red AA under the gun. Looking around at stack sizes there are three shorties, three average stacks and two deep stacked guys. I make it $15 and get four callers – so much for narrowing the field. Flop is Kc4dJc. I lead out for $75 – and get three callers? Turn is 3h. I bet $125 hoping that at least one draw goes away, but almost expecting to be raised by two pair or a set. First guy behind calls, second guy (big stack) shoves and I don’t really have a lot of choice at that point so I go ahead and call, as does the other guy. Big stack has set of jacks, other guy has flush draw and the river bricks and I’m down a buy in. Good news is that thanks to a couple of baby straights and well timed check raises with air to get the big stacks to lay down, I managed to walk out of there up $200.

My man Sahara Doug had sent me a text that he was grinding away over at the V as he was in town by sheer coincidence. I get to the room at the V and it’s hopping. Sahara is seated at a table near the front so get my table change request in and take my seat at a 1/2 NL table near the back of the room. I’m in the 9 seat and on my left is the table big stack with probably $1,800+ and it’s clear that he’s the table captain, holding court, critiquing play, etc. I show up just in time to watch him make a $300 bet into a $100 pot to chase away an opponent. As I’m un-racking my chips, I look down to see…KK. There is a small raise to $7 in front of me and I make it $25 to go. Big stack starts yapping about “first hand” and “new sheriff” etc. and makes the call along with original raiser. Flop is 8d7s3d. Check to me and I make it $75. Big stack pushes all in and other player folds. I shrug and figure he’s pushing me around but if he’s got a hand, so be it, I call. He rolls over a set of 7’s and I’ve got a strange sense of de ja vu.

So now the next hand is dealt and I’m $300 behind. Raiser from the last hand again makes it $7 and I call with Ah4h. Four other callers and we’re five handed. Flop is Kh, 2h, 5c. Original raiser makes it $25. I say “call” (note chips still have not arrived yet) deciding that any semi-bluff here will be interpreted as tilt and has zero fold equity. But lo and behold a guy behind me shoves all in for his last $200. Folds to original raiser who thinks for a little bit, then flat calls (had about $500 to start the hand). NOW I decide to drop the hammer and just as my chips arrive I announce all in and grab the rack from the chip runner and push it in the pot. Table laughs and big stack says “They must like to gamble in Iowa!”. Original raiser isn’t happy and reluctantly calls. First all in guy has KJ (?), original raiser has QQ (?) and I’m gambling with my draw. Suspense ends right away as heart comes on the turn and I pick up an $800 pot. How’s that for the first two hands.

About 30 minutes later I get seated at Sahara’s table. Drinks are flowing, people are laughing and it’s a good time. The ten seat is a southerner who claims to have been a preacher years ago and every time he has been heads up and made a massive bet, he’s told the other player what he has and has not lied, yet got callers nearly every time. After moving to his left, I managed to take a big bite out of his stack flopping a very sneaky boat after re-raising him pre-flop 6c7c (he raised nearly every hand he played). He was a little less jovial after that one. About an hour after that, this little hand developed:

After a couple limpers, Southerner makes it $25 to go which is typical at this point. I look down at my old friend enemy AA. Knowing that the Southerner likes to play absolute crap, I decide value is way to go here so I call. However, a very tight-solid Asian guy goes all in for $125 behind us. Whoa! This is great news as he probably has KK. Much to my surprise, Southerner calls and has about $300 left behind. I’ve got about $1600 in front of me at this point and I go ahead and shove. Now Southerner has a real decision. He has to call $300 to win the $675 in the pot. He thinks for awhile then announces, “Well I know I’m behind but I’ve just a got a feeling about this one” and calls. Southerner rolls over QQ and tight Asian guy rolls over…KQo??? Wha? Well, ok! Except that the one out Q comes on the turn and even my four card nut flush is meaningless. Oh well.

Southerner plays for just a little longer, then leaves. We then get a bit of celebrity as I look up and the man taking Southerner’s seat is none other than “The greatest poker player in the world” also known as “The Italian Stallion”, also known for uttering the great line, “Report to the rail!” in this year’s World Series Main Event. This guy is 80 years old and full of vinegar. If you’ve watched the series coverage he got a few cameos for his antics and bravado. That is how this guy rolls. Hilarious. Among the nuggets he laid on us:
• He would go all in pre-flop with AA or KK no matter what was in the pot (a couple of times there was $3 in it). His rationale was that those hands ALWAYS got cracked and that math was meaningless in poker. He would have no part of any conversation about 20 to 1 favorites and the like. It was ALWAYS.
• He informed us that if it wasn’t for him in World War 2, we would all be speaking German to which I replied “Ja Voll!”. He then rattled off a dozen sentences of perfect German, much to everyone’s surprise. He then said, “You bet I can speak German, you had to back then if you wanted to get laid!”.

Irony of ironies, he got tangled up in a hand where pre flop he pushed all in over another kid’s open-raise and was called. His KK crashed when a Q flopped and the kid’s 2 outer beat him. That only added more fuel to the ALWAYS get cracked fire.

Sahara decided to hit the sack around 7am and I stayed for awhile before venturing out to see what OT was up to. He was playing blackjack back at the IP, so I got a quick 2 hour nap and we headed downtown for some old Vegas experience. We played some very profitable blackjack at the 4 Queens before continuing our way down the street. I think it’s worth mentioning that while the poker room at Binion’s is a big, sad open room their pit area is actually quite nice and if you are a person that likes large chested female dealers in cowgirl outfits, this place is for you.

I walked across the street to the Golden Nugget to play some poker. I personally liked their room. If there was a drawback it was that their tables are really packed in there tight. But it’s well decorated with good tables, solid chairs and a low ceiling (which I like) for a comfortable feel. Oh yeah, and the players suck. Guess I should mention that.

I get sat down in a $1/2 NL game (no cap on the buy in). It’s a fairly normal table with the exception of massive stack to my left that was literally playing every hand. About three hands in I get Ad10d on the button and limp/call the stack’s $12 raise in EP. After an ugly, dry flop I decide I’m going to take the pot away from him. I check raise him to $75 after he bets $25 as was his standard. He calls, then calls my $115 turn bet and I decide he’s not going anywhere and give up when I miss everything. Turns out he had a pair of 7’s which was good for third pair. So, I top off and we start again. About 15 min later I see my old enemy AA in the cut off. I raise to $15 and stack calls me again and we’re heads up. Flop is Kh, 9c, Jh. I bet $35 and he insta-calls. Turn is 7c, I bet $75, he insta-calls. River is Ad for my set but I’m not all that excited. I bet $115 and he thinks for awhile before mucking, saying “I know you wanted a call there.” Smart guy, but he’s not very happy about laying down.

About 45 min later after this guy has hemorrhaged off four or fiver hundred, he raises UTG to $15. Two callers to me and I call with 66. Flop is 9dQc6s. He bets $20, folds to me and I flat call. Turn is 4c. He checks and I decide that things are getting ugly so I’d better end it. I bet $60 and after a short pause, he check raises to $120. Finally, I’d found my spot to bite him. I think for a short period, then push in my remaining $350. He groans and talks through all the hands he could beat (which aren’t many). He then says, “You’ve been sitting there since that first hand just waiting for me, waiting to get those chips back.” Smart guy. He then calls with…Q9 for flopped top two. Dumb guy. My set holds up and I walk out with a nice profit.

The OT and I head back to the strip and go to Hooters where there is an Iowa State tailgate in progress. All the beer you can drink as long as you’ve got obnoxious ISU gear on, which we did, of course. A nice session of craps at hooters in a packed house and a solid session of blackjack at the Trop and we went back to the room for a short nap around midnight.

I slip out of the room about two hours later to meet Sahara back at the V to grind some more hours at $1/2 NL. This would be the most fun session of the trip. It begins with some just good old fashioned grinding before a young skinny white kid walks over and says, “Is this table ready for the Crazy Mike experience?”. Sahara and I had been monitoring this guy’s activities at other tables in the room over the past few hours and responded with an enthusiastic ‘YES’!!! Crazy Mike pulls over his table of stuff (12 unopened waters, two large champaign buckets filled with ice and five racks of red chips ($2,500). He sits down and then explains the rules to us:

“OK, I am doing a social experiment to see if you can get along as a table in order to get my money. I am going to start with $100 and as you can see I’ve got about $2,400 behind right here. I’ve got another $20,000 with me and I’ve got $250,000 at the cage, so money is not going to be an issue. I am going to go all in blind on every hand when it is my turn to act. So, if I lose this $100, I’ll simply grab another $100 for the next hand and push that all in. If I win a hand, the next hand I will put $200 all in, and if I win that hand, I will put $400 all in and so on. Everyone got it? OK, now there are two rules which the entire table must follow in order to keep me here and have this excellent chance at my money. First, each of you only has 15 seconds to act when it is your turn and I will time you on my I-phone. If any one of you ever takes longer than 15 seconds, I’ll leave. Second rule, you must tip the dealer. If any of you rakes a pot and stiffs the dealer, I’ll leave. That’s it. Is everyone ok with this? I have done this at four other tables tonight. Two tables had an alpha male that wasn’t going to be pushed around by a kid and wouldn’t follow the rules, so I left. Two tables did follow the rules and they took about $3,900 off me in a couple of hours.”

So we begin. First hand Crazy Mike gets one caller with AK against his blind 62o and the caller wins. Second hand Sahara calls the $100 and I look down to find KK. I raise all in for $400 and Sahara makes the call with his last couple hundred and my hand holds up against his pocket 7’s and Crazy Mike’s unsuited trash cards. This sort of thing continues and Crazy Mike wins only one pot in 40 minutes before he had to leave to coach his soccer game. One rather bizarre twist to all of this was a German guy and his psychotic roommate who kept badgering Crazy Mike like a stalker trying to get him to stake him in some big game somewhere. It got so bad that when Crazy Mike turned to eat his breakfast that had been brought to him, he said to the table, “OK, third rule – if this guy talks to me while I’m eating in the next five minutes, I’m leaving.” Luckily, the guy got up and left during that time.

After Crazy Mike left, the fun continued thanks in large part to two Israeli cousins sitting in the 1 and 10 seats. 1 seat had been with us quite awhile and was a decent enough player and kind of a quiet guy. His cousin who sat down later in the 10 seat (I was in 9) was quite the opposite. 10 seat kept raising pre-flop every hand and when his cousin would either pop him all in or simply flat call, 10 seat would start calling him all sorts of anti-Semitic names, which was rather uncomfortable even though they were both Jewish. It got a little more comfortable after he started calling his cousin “Gypsy” and I joined in by quoting Borat every time he did this, so it became a Borat quote fest for a little while. Then, when we were out of quotes, he started calling his cousin a “dirty whore”. This was really funny until a quiet woman sat down in the game and everyone assumed he would stop. Nope. He kept up until the dealer said, “OK, guys let’s watch it with the H word.” I looked at the woman and the whole table burst out laughing and it took the dealer a minute to figure out what he had said. Apparently spelling is not a part of the dealer interview at the V.

Now Saturday morning, it was time to get a buffet (comped), play some blackjack and fleece some really bad players at the IP until the game started.

We headed out to Sam Boyd Stadium and I will tell you that I really like that place. It is out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains. It’s small so there isn’t a bad seat in the place and you can actually buy beer at a college game! Outstanding. My Cyclones took a bad beat in overtime and we headed off to Ellis Island to drown our sorrows in the off the menu $6.95 steak dinner that is as good as people say.

Managed to get a 2 hour nap before grinding out one more session with Sahara at the V. We headed home from there with the requisite 2 hour delay on United in Denver.

The 5 Dolla Ballas were able to make it home with some money and some stories, a rare double double for Vegas.