First off, a word of warning to readers. I’m writing an extra-long report here including much of my non-poker activity as well. I’ll put all the non-poker material in italics so you can easily skip those parts, though I’d like to think those parts will be entertaining as well despite an utter lack of tales of drunken and debaucherous behavior.

And now the preface: Back in February my in-laws invited their entire family to join them on a Hawaiian cruise for their 50th anniversary, their treat. And everyone but me eagerly accepted, because the last cruise I took was the last cruise I’ll ever take. I kind of felt guilty declining but I knew I’d be miserable on a floating prison (with no gambling since it never goes into international waters) and I’d make everyone else miserable as well. So with my wife and kids gone for a full week I decided it was time for a four-day Vegas trip, only my second solo trip ever. It also meant four days at home alone all to myself after I got back. I b ooked a nice cheap $51/night rate for the Excalibur.

Sunday, 7/29:

I left my home in Chatsworth, CA at 6:15am hoping to beat the worst of the heat. I had an absolutely great drive, 118 to 210 to 15, no single-lane desert driving crap for me. There were very few left lane road hogs for a change. By the way, a reminder to anyone taking a long drive: Check your tire pressure before you leave. You’ll save a little gas and it’s safer in bad road conditions.

I arrived in Vegas 10:30am, and as per my usual tradition, I drove the length of strip from Sahara back to the Excalibur to see what’s changed. The Stardust is now a giant pile of debris, the Frontier is history (though why is their sign still lit at night?), and MGM City Center is starting to shape up very nicely, though short of winning the lottery I doubt I’ll ever be able to afford to stay there. And with all of the new pricey properties under construction I get the idea that even the Bellagio will become a mid-tier property in ten years.

I parked at Excalibur since I was tired from the drive but it was far too early to check in. They had only 2/4L and 1/2NL going so I walked over to MGM where only NL was active and there were just 3 names on the 3/6 interest list. So I gave up on MGM, walked back across to Excalibur and took the monorail to Mandalay Bay, only to discover that they also had NL only and no interest list for limit. Finally, I walked to Luxor, and being exhausted from all the walking I decided to play a little bit at their 2/4L. I managed to lose my $60 buy-in in two hours as I just wasn’t getting any cards and even when I did, my raises were never respected and I constantly got drowned in the river. I had a small lunch, and then being too tired to walk or drive anywhere else I decided to try to 2/4 at Excalibur. The competition was even lamer than it was at the Luxor but I just kept missing and lost another $60. There was a 2-6 spread interest list but the game never started. At least I remembered to ask for my food voucher.

And then I vowed never to play 2/4 again no matter what the circumstances. No raise will scare anyone out and the newbie player who calls every bet is guaranteed to hit his card on the river every single time. I’m not going to review any of these hands since we all know you can raise UTG with kings, get five callers, see a board of Q8632, bet or raise every round and still lose to someone holding 62. Decent players who know what they’re doing have absolutely no chance. I should’ve stuck to my original plan to see The Simpsons Movie if I couldn’t find a good game on Sunday afternoon. Stupid, stupid me…

Random observation: The Sunday morning Luxor tournament with 40 players or so looked like it lasted all of an hour and a half. I didn’t play it and never would. The structure made it look ridiculous.

Finally it was time to check in. Unfortunately the $20 trick failed to get me upgraded to a room with a Jacuzzi. The front desk clerk, Lisa, a rather attractive blonde, maybe 30ish, was very professional and knew the drill inside and out. She kept the $20 semi-obscured behind the counter but where I could still see it. She typed for a few minutes but could not find a room with a Jacuzzi. She did offer to give me of the hotel’s refurbished rooms with widescreen TV instead but I told her I didn’t care about the size of the room, the view, the décor, the distance from the elevator or the TV, just the Jacuzzi. She was a little disappointed but handed back the $20.

I went to my room, 9th floor, tower 2, stretched and changed, then went down for dinner. I had one of the best dinners of my life at the Camelot steakhouse. Well, it was the best I can recall in a long time and not because it was the best steak I ever had, since it wasn’t, but just biting into real meat and not something pre-packaged or processed felt sooooo good. I’ve been on Nutri-system for two solid months, dropping 27 pounds in that time, and now I was on vacation. That first bite of the steak was pure ecstasy. (It also seemed right to eat at a restaurant named Camelot since I was going directly to see Spamalot immediately afterward.)

Random observation: Female dealers in Las Vegas have some odd hairstyles that can not be found anywhere else in the country.

After eating I drove to Wynn and picked up my Spamalot ticket and the $25 slot play voucher that came with the ticket deal. I wanted to play a cool looking Monopoly machine that had a transparent LCD panel in front of actual reels creating an impressive 3D effect but they were all taken and nobody was budging so I went elsewhere. I found a penny Megabucks where the max spin was 300 credits. I figured I’d just run my free play though and hope to get something in return so I wasn’t paying too much attention or trying to figure out what the paylines were. Next thing I know the machine is telling me to select some bonus spots, then wheels were spinning, and finally Steve Wynn was on the screen thanking me for playing at his casino. Once everything stopped moving I saw my balance was $183. That covered the money I’d lost at 2/4 earlier and even covered my Spamalot ticket as well, so all of a sudden I was even on the day.

Spamalot was spectacular, and it was also very accessible for non-python fans. My wife has no appreciation of anything Python-related but I know she’d love this show. (Yes, I married her anyway-she can name at least half the lineup of the 1973 Cubs and you don’t let women like that get away.) John O’Hurley, aka King Arthur, had the night off but his understudy did a great job. By the way, for those who have seen the show, it turned out the audience member sitting in the grail chair had a very Jewish last name, so hilarity ensued there. For those who haven’t seen the show, trust me, what I just wrote is perfectly appropriate.

Random observation: In his ads for his show at the Venetian, Gordie Brown looks a lot like Jason Bateman on the cover of the Arrested Development first season DVD set.

After the show I went to the Wynn poker room which is right by the entrance to the Spamalot theater. Finally, I got to play some good quality poker. After only a ten minute wait on the 4/8 list I bought in for $100. In contrast to the 2/4 games, it was nice to see raises respected (not by all players of course) and I managed to hit some hands and finish up $83 after just under two hours. No hands stuck out as particularly memorable, though my normal kryptonite hand, QT, worked like a charm that night. The players on my left and right were both WSOP dealers. The guy on my left was talking about Red Rock’s high rake and said that Bellagio and some others are scheduled to follow soon. He now swears by Wynn as having the best rake for 4/8 players. I forgot to swipe my shiny new players card, but at a buck an hour I still doubt I’d build up a significant balance, so I don’t feel too gypped by my own stupidity. I might’ve stayed a little longer but I’d been up since 5:30am and a couple maniacs sat down so I called it a night. I could really have used that Jacuzzi at that point…

Monday, 7/30:

I slept in then went to gym followed by the pinball museum. The Family Guy machine is freaking sweet. I played that for half an hour after parlaying one game into several wins. Other pinball machines have “Special” targets or lanes, this game has a “Not Special” lane, plus it’s got all the characters heckling you while you play. I went back to the Excalibur and went to the pool for a few hours. I’m glad I had an MP3 player to drown out the sound of the construction noise. Later on I lost $20 using up my match-play coupons on two quick hands of blackjack.

Random observation: It takes a spectacular woman to make the Excalibur cocktail waitress uniform look good. Regrettably, women like have always been in rather short supply at the castle.

Around mid-afternoon I went to MGM, and this time there was a 3/6 game going. Unfortunately I was fifth on the list and it didn’t move once in 30 minutes so I left. I will confirm “Mrs. Lederer’s” comment on the locked TI thread that the people at the MGM desk all seem to act as if managing the list is some kind of court-ordered punishment and also agree with Clem that everyone else at MGM is great. On the way back from MGM I noticed that the free slots outside the Tropicana are gone. I guess someone must have accidentally won something so they had to close them up.

I took in the 51’s game that night. Now I’ve gone to three or four Dodger games each year for the last twenty years and I don’t think I’ve ever felt a single drop of rain there. So of course, I come to Las Vegas and go to a game and it rains. Not just rain, but thunder and lightning as well. More than once the pitcher would delay his delivery after a flash of lightning so he wouldn’t be interrupted by the accompanying thunder. They lost 10-6 in ten innings and I had a great time. I was just angry that the gift shop closed before the end of the game because I wanted to get a cap for my son.

After the game I went back to Wynn and lost $74 in four hours. There was a very nice old man next to me who was just very nice to talk with all night. He was also nice enough to ‘accidentally’ flash his cards to me to save me a bet when he had me beat after I’d lost a few big ones in a row. I took one bad beat that night: I turned a boat, 10s over As, but lost to a bigger boat, Ks over Ts when my opponent spiked a K on river. I quit when I thought the big blind on my right was mine and dealer had to ask what I was waiting for, which is as good a clue as any that it’s time to get up and go.

Random observation: I wonder if when Gus Hansen wakes up in the morning after drinking heavily the previous night he looks in the bathroom mirror and wonders for a moment what Michael Stipe is doing in his house.

Tuesday, 7/31

I decided not to play any poker this day at all until the Sahara 7pm, so I slept in, had a brunch-like meal, then spent several hours at the pool. Then I napped, showed and had a small bite for dinner and next thing I know it’s 6:30 and I’m at the Sahara. Where the hell did that day go? I had half an hour to kill before tourney started so did a quick hit and run at blackjack and picked up $25 then I gave $5 back in slots, so I figured at least I earned the $20 add-on for the tourney.

Random Observation: Even though I was too young to ever appreciate Tom Snyder in his heyday of the Tomorrow show before he was cancelled to make room for David Letterman, I miss him already. We need true broadcasters and communicators like Snyder now more than ever.

Finally, 7pm rolls around and the tourney starts. To make a long story short, I won. For the long version, keep reading…

First, I’m going to repeat this just because I like seeing the words in front of my eyes: I won the Sahara 7pm No Limit Hold ‘Em tourney. This was only the third NL tourney I ever played, the previous two also being the Sahara back in December as detailed in this report. This night they had 98 players, paying $1800 for first, $900 for second, ten places total to be paid, though when there were eleven players left a unanimous vote was passed to take $60 from first place and award it to the bubble boy.

I started at 3000, bought my 2000 add-on at the end of level two, then had 7300 at the first break (level 3), 15000 at the second break (level 6) and 35000 at end of level 9. For reference purposes, the blinds at level ten were 2000/4000. I got up to 120k at 3k/6k blinds then down to as low as 35k again by the end of level 10. I just kept watching others drop out since it pretty much becomes an all-in fast starting at that point and next thing I know I’m at my first final table.

I treaded water for a bit then went on a tear and won three double-ups in a row to take a ridiculous lead with four players left. I had pocket 8s (spiked an 8 on the river), tens (held up) and ATs (also held up). On that third hand I went all in from the button and the player on my left who just barely had me outchipped called me with an A6o thinking he might have me beat. That gave me a ridiculous lead. I certainly had some luck but my instincts served me well and finally it was heads up. I had built up a huge lead but I lost three double-ups in a row and with blinds at 20k/40k my opponent had four big blinds and I had about seven. I proposed a 60/40 split and he accepted. Considering regular money between 1st and 2nd was 66/34, I was actually surprised he accepted since he still had a decent chance at winning and I was really only offering him an extra $160 over the $900 he was guaranteed. So I ended up with 60% of 2640, or 1580. I left a $100 dealer tip (2nd place left $60) and best part is there was no W-2.

Interesting also that it was the night the hotel was changing hands to the new owner, so lots of machines were closed to empty the coins since they belonged to the previous owner until midnight. Lots of execs in suits were strolling the floor all night.

I had come close to doom very early against a very cunning maniac. He would limp into practically every pot, he got lucky early playing an 86o into a straight against a set then showed some big cards after limping to bust one guy before the end of the first level. It was pretty much impossible to put him on any kind of hand. Around level 3 I had KQo on the button, I raised it to 3xBB and the maniac called. Flop was Q-rag-rag. I bet a thousand, about the size of the pot and he instantly goes all in. I agonized and finally folded, a good move since he flashed pocket aces. Later on though I managed to take a bunch of chips from him and he never recovered. I had J9c, calling his 3xBB bet along with one other player. Flop was KcJd7c. First player checks, villain bets out but since I’d noticed he liked to bet second and third pairs and slow play top pair or better I raised him all-in. I just had middle pair with a weak kicker and a flush draw. He agonized for so long that someone finally called the clock on him. He’s trying to draw info out of me, saying stuff like he knows I have a king but he might still call. He was also saying that he’d already figured out how I played and against anyone else at the table he’d fold in a second but because it was me he thinks he’s got me beat, but he finally folds. He says he folded J8 and I said, “Cool I had a J9.” He calls bullshit on me and I just smile.

Finally I took him out when he was very short-stacked and even more short-tempered. He had made a smaller raise than usual for him and I found myself with JsTs in the big blind. I decided to test him and called all-in. He’s pissed at that point and says he knows I don’t have great cards, certainly not a pair, but he thinks he’s getting odds to call and does so, showing 5h2h. The flop comes up AhJdJc and I’m thrilled with my trip Jacks. Then the turn is 3h, so he’s got an inside straight flush draw. The river is a heart, but it’s the beautiful ten of hearts, making his flush but giving me a full house. He didn’t realize I’d made the boat at first, seeing only hearts and the look on his face when he realized he’d lost was priceless. He was actually gracious in defeat, more so than anyone expected, though the others at the table were still grateful to me for knocking him out.

As I mentioned, this was only my third NL tournament, so little things like being a chip leader or simply making it to a final table were new experiences for me. The first time I had to change tables I took my stack to the new table and it was actually thrilling to sit down and realize I had more chips than anyone one else there. It was also the first time I ever had a crowd watching me from the railing. It was also very odd that I knocked out most of the players at the final table yet some stuck around and rooted for me, though it was most likely because my heads-up opponent was a bit of a grump early on, however once he was guaranteed second place money his mood lightened considerably. We agreed to the split at 12:30am, right at the five and a half hour mark. I just went back to my room afterward. Even though I was too pumped to sleep I didn’t want to start giving any of the money back either.

Random observation: Using Toyota Priuses as taxicabs is a spectacular idea, though something roomier like the Camry hybrid might be a better idea since I’ve felt cramped in the back seat of a Prius before. And when will there be a hybrid minivan?

Wednesday, 8/1:

I slept in nice and late. I figured I’d go eat, run an errand, play a little bit, come back and nap a bit before driving home, so I called the front desk and paid the extra $25 for extended checkout. I walked to the Denny’s just north of the M&M store for breakfast only to discover it’s no longer there. I went back to my car and found another Denny’s. I just felt like Denny’s for some odd reason. Then I drove up to a sick friend’s house to drop off a can of chicken soup and a housewarming present.

Random observation: I’m seeing ads all over the place for the “Bratz” movie. My daughter has lots of these dolls and for the movie to be true to its source material the girls in the film should have heads six times the width of their torsos and tiny necks that would snap under the weight of those giant heads.

I thought about going back to Wynn for some more 4/8 but then I decided I wanted to see at least one new room I’d not seen before. Since word is that TI doesn’t go over 2/4 limit during the day and having vowed never to repeat that nightmare I went to Mirage instead. I was seated at 3/6 right away. I managed to lose $100 in two hours, starting off hot then losing a big pot to a royal flush (the guy said it was his second in two days) and eventually had queens cracked by a set of jacks, kings cracked by a flush and aces cracked by a rivered inside straight. I decided that was enough poker for one trip.

[i]I got to back to Excalibur at 3:35, planning to nap then check out at 6pm and drive home. I entered my room and noticed the message light on the phone is blinking. The message asks me to call the front desk. I call and they ask when I’ll be leaving and I say 6:00. The lady says the extended checkout ends at 3:30. I could have sworn it was good until 6:00 so a nap was now officially out of the question and it meant I pretty much gave them $25 I could’ve kept. It was far too early to leave since I didn’t want to hit any rush hour traffic in Los Angeles County so I had to come up with something to do for a few hours. And thus I had my chance to see The Simpsons Movie, which I thoroughly loved.

Random observation: I feel sorry for any parents with kids small enough to want to see the CGI “Horton Hears a Who” when it comes out next year. Even with Jim Carrey and Steve Carell it looks absolutely intolerable. Though I did notice the trailer used Danny Elfman’s theme from “Back To School” with Rodney Dangerfield.

Decided to see the movie at the Orleans and I had a little time to kill until the show started, so I shoved $20 into an Elvis slot and turned it into a quick $100. I saw the movie, then lost another $20 back to the machine on my way out, but I still came out $60 ahead overall, negating some of my losses at Mirage earlier. Finally I drove home, having netted $1457 for the trip, and went to sleep wondering how my wife is going to want to spend my winnings when she gets home.