THE SETUP
An old college friend and I met up in Las Vegas for a guys’ weekend. I’m coming off a divorce and his wife and two kids were out of the country for a month or two to see her folks, so it seemed like a perfect excuse. My friend (let’s call him M) had been to Vegas six or seven years ago with his wife. The last time I’d been was thirty years ago as a kid of about five on a family vacation, so I don't really count that. I’ve been playing poker online for several years, though just strictly micro-limit stuff - mainly 7 hi/lo, an occasional horse tourney, and a little limit hold’em every once in a while. Anyhow, we arrived mid-afternoon Thursday, May 29 and left Sunday morning, June 1.

THURSDAY
We stayed at Hooters, mainly because it was dirt cheap. Definitely nothing fancy, but plenty adequate. Carpets were pretty funky throughout, but the rooms and linens were clean, the staff was courteous and helpful, and there was never any trouble with noise. It’s a relatively small place, which made getting to and from the room pretty easy too. The location was great, very convenient to the South Strip and the monorail stop at the MGM Grand (well as convenient as anything can be that involves navigating the MGM). It was less then a fifteen minute walk from my room to the poker room at the Excalibur. I was in a second story poolside Bungalow Room and M was in a Tower Room with a view of the Strip. We were told the Tower Room was an upgrade, but there didn’t seem to be much difference. We didn’t really spend any time at the Hooters Casino, but it was pretty small, cramped, and noisy. On the plus side it was brightly lit, which is something of a rarity.

After getting settled, we walked over to the Strip via the Tropicana. Definitely wasn’t impressed with it – kinda had the vibe of a generic suburban mall, but with ugly carpet and a casino. We wandered around the Excalibur, Luxor, and Mandalay Bay. Excalibur was pretty loud and chaotic and Mandalay Bay was pretty swanky and impressive. The Luxor was probably my personal favorite of any casino we went to, mainly because it was less claustrophobic and much quieter (both the music and the machines). Plus I’m a sucker for a casino that goes all out on its theme. We occasionally stopped to play quarter video poker (I told you I was a low roller), but mainly just explored and people-watched. That was one of my favorite Vegas activities in general – it was really fun to watch the size, makeup, and dynamics of the crowds change from casino to casino and from Thursday afternoon through Saturday night. You’d catch snippets of a lot of interesting conversations too. It seems like everybody has a foolproof gambling system that they’re eager to share with all their friends. How the casinos manage to stay open against such an onslaught of cunning can’t-fail schemes I’ll never know.

We had dinner at the Burger Bar in Mandalay Place. It was a little pricey, but no more so than most things on the Strip. If you were careful about how you optioned out your burger you could keep it pretty reasonable. The food itself was really good, and they also had a nice and varied beer selection with useful descriptions on the menu. I had a Grimbergen Dubbel, which I’d never had before and really enjoyed. It went pretty well with a heavy meal, too. Definitely recommended (both the beer and the restaurant).

Friday night we also had tickets for Fantasy, the revue show at the Luxor. It seemed like an appropriately kitschy first-night-in-Vegas kind of activity. The show was pretty fun and funny. The girls were all attractive and could dance, and the comedian/mc (Sean Cooper?) was a lot more entertaining than I expected. The highlight of the show was actually a couple on the front row who had just gotten married literally about an hour before. He was still in his tux and drunk as a skunk, so naturally he was the one selected for all the audience participation bits. Who takes their new bride to a topless revue right after the nuptials? And then chases the girls around the stage? This was the moment when I realized Vegas is a very different kind of town.

FRIDAY
Had the breakfast buffet at Dan Marino’s inside the hotel. The buffet was pretty minimal, but it was cheap and convenient. The eggs were perhaps the single foulest item I’ve ever seen on a buffet, but otherwise the food was pretty standard. I even really liked the potatoes. After breakfast we wandered through the MGM – what a beast. It just went on forever in every direction. The lion habitat was pretty cool, though. Also strolled past the poker room. It looked very nice, although it seemed like it would be really noisy between the casino and the adjoining bar and it had a general young hipster vibe that wasn’t particularly my cup of tea. But like I said, it looked like a really nice room. After the MGM we goofed off for a bit in the Gameworks arcade just up the street. I was happy to see that they had a whole section of retro games. Yay for Moon Patrol! From there we headed across the street to NY-NY. Talk about your casinos going all out with their theme! I really enjoyed just taking it all in. We stayed for a while playing video poker and video let it ride (the only place we found let it ride machines). The casino was pretty open and not very claustrophobic, but then it was just Friday morning/early afternoon. Had lunch at the NY-NY food court pizza place. Decent food and cheaper than I expected – two slices and a coke for around eight bucks.

From NY-NY we went back the Excalibur and signed on for the free poker lesson. M’s prior poker experience was limited to a handful of friendly home games, and I was happy to have a chance to see how the mechanics of the game worked when the computer wasn’t taking care of everything. There were four other folks taking the lesson for six total. It was taught by a very friendly retiree/dealer (Del?) and it mostly covered poker etiquette issues (acting in turn, protecting, your cards, toking, not discussing hands in play, etc) that I was already familiar with from these forums and online play. We then played a few practice hands, which was very useful for me. All in all, the lesson was helpful for getting over some of the jitters of sitting down in a public poker room for the first time.

After the lesson we all bought chips to play $2/$4 limit and several other players joined the table. I imagine being asked if you’d mind joining a table that just finished a beginner’s lesson is probably a pretty attractive situation. I bought in for $100, which seemed plenty enough to absorb variance and keep from being caught short-stacked. M didn’t stay at the table very long and went off exploring on his own. I stuck around for about three hours. That’s about as long as I can play online before I started to lose focus too. I finished the session down $27.50, most of which was lost when I pushed with flopped trip kings with KQ suited and got called down by a K9os that caught a second nine on the turn. That was a little disappointing, but oh well. At least he’d let himself get short stacked and didn’t have any ammunition to push back. The only other hand worth reporting was when I caught trip threes playing a 52os and made a decent little pot. Yes, it’s a crap hand of crap hands, but it’s got a lot of sentimental value to me and I’ll usually play it if I can get in for one bet. Stupid, I know. Anyhow, it was a little embarrassing having to show it, but I figure it’s good advertising. At least it would be if anybody’s paying attention and remembers. I spent most of the session just trying to get used to live play, handling chips, being consistent in how I acted, controlling the shakes, etc. Even though live play moves slower than online, at times it felt faster and was a little hard to track the action. I was in the six seat which made it easier to see, and I gradually got used to it.

Overall I really enjoyed the Excalibur Poker Room, though I don’t really have much to compare it against. Obviously it’s not the Venetian or anything. It’s clearly geared towards the novice low roller tourist crowd, which meant I fit right in. Generally the dealers were quick but gentle in correcting amateur mistakes and kept the game moving along. They seemed pretty sensitive to who their clientele is. Some of the equipment was a bit worn and threadbare, but they did have brand new chairs that were pretty comfy. Some tables had autoshufflers and some didn't. I was worried about all the ambient noise with it being right in the middle of the casino, but I found it to not be too distracting (and I’m normally pretty easily distracted). And I assume the location really increases the number of casual walk-in players. The only real downside was the smoke. It’s definitely not a room for a more experienced player looking for a serious game, but for a novice like myself it was great.

After cashing out I headed back to the hotel and met up with M. We had tickets to see The Amazing Jonathan at the Harmon Theater at Planet Hollywood, so we walked up the strip. A decent little trek, but not too bad. We wandered around PH for a while. It seemed like a really nice casino. Very open, nice wide aisles, not too noisy, easy to find a quiet corner to take a break. We had dinner at Koi upstairs. It’s a sushi and Japanese place that I think becomes a nightclub as it gets later. We ate around six or seven, and it wasn’t crowded at all. M, who’s more experienced with sushi than me, said it was good enough but not any better that what you can get in any decent size city. The interior was very slick – modern lounge/Asian - and the service was very good. Although I ordered just water with my meal and we wound up with a giant $8 bottle of Evian. That was a little annoying but mainly just amusing. After dinner we headed over to the show. We’d both seen The Amazing Jonathan on tv. The live show was similar but with new material. And much bluer. Definitely enjoyed it and would recommend it. If you’re not familiar, he’s a comedian/magician, with much heavier emphasis on the former. The remainder of Friday night should probably not be committed to the permanent record.

SATURDAY
After our experience with the breakfast buffet at Hooters, we decided we’d try the Excalibur instead. It cost just a few dollars more and had a much wider variety. Quality was kinda mixed, but at least the eggs seemed to be sorta egglike. From there we headed up to check out Caesar’s Palace and the Bellagio. Caesar’s Palace was pretty swanky and another well executed theme. And just felt very Vegas. We hung out a bit and played some video poker. Also enjoyed wandering the Bellagio and stayed for a fountain show. I’m not sure I could describe it without making it sound cheesy, so I’ll just say it cooler than you’d probably think and worth checking out. By then it was getting on towards lunch time, so we headed back to the hotel and ate at Hooters. It was pretty much exactly like any other Hooters, but slower than dirt. It was slow enough that we were offered a free pitcher of beer and our soft drinks were also comped, so at least our waitress recognized and addressed the issue. And it’s not like we had a tight schedule to keep, so no real harm. By then we were both pretty beat from all the walking and just rested up at the hotel for a bit.

Saturday night we had tickets for the early show of the Blue Man Group, so we headed up to the Venetian via the Monorail. I had a guy standing by the ticket machines offer to sell me a two ride pass for $10, which seemed kinda odd since the machine was only charging $9. Not sure, but I think he just might have been trying to scam me. Fortunately he distracted us from the machine just long enough that a couple who were coming out of the station said they were leaving town and handed us their day passes. Score! I can count that as a gambling profit, right? The Venetian was also quite swanky and very crowded on Saturday night. A mix of conventioneers and the beautiful people dressed up to see and be seen. We grabbed a quick bite at the Venetian Food Court, which was suitably fancy and pricey – two slices of pizza and a bottle of water for about $15. The BMG show was a lot of fun. We had seats on the front row, which was very cool but did make it hard to see some of the stuff going on behind us. The highlight for me was during the little group participation bit before the show the electronic message boards introduced me by name (I’m assuming they pull names randomly from credit cards), had the entire audience shout that they loved me, and then had me take a bow. Nothing like having 800 people tell you they love you and cheer for you to boost your ego. I know they all sincerely meant it too.

After the show, M was pretty tired and turned in for the night, so I headed back to the Excalibur for some more poker. I got there at about 10:45 and was at a $2/$4 table with my 100 white chips before 11:00. There was a young local couple at the far end of the table who knew most of the dealers and then a mix of older and younger guys from out of town. One other guy might have been local. The couple started the night boisterous and loose, but got a little quieter and tighter as the evening wore on. With one or two exceptions the rest of the table played very loose and passive. There was a decent amount of turnover through the night, but the mood stayed pretty light, friendly, chatty, and mildly drunk (I just drank water all night). One younger guy came in after a few hours who must have seen “Swingers” one too many times – “Baby” this and “Money” that. Pretty entertaining to watch, though maybe not for the reasons he intended. I was the nine seat which made it a little harder to follow the action and stay focused, but I did enjoy the extra elbow room and being less concerned that my neighbor could see my cards.

This time I was much more comfortable with being in the card room (although I did still have a little trouble with the idea of leaving my chips on the table to get up to take a break), and was able to concentrate more on just playing poker. There didn’t seem to be much point to doing anything but just be patient and only play big hands (unless you get a 5-2!), and then play ‘em pretty hard until given a reason to slow down. I’m not sure if the rest of the table even realized that I was only averaging a hand or two per rotation. Actually, I don’t know that the rest of the table was paying attention to other players at all. In fact, it seemed like there was a lot less focus at a $2/$4 live game than there is in a $0.10/$0.20 online game. The game overall seemed softer and more passive than online micro-limit, but I don’t have the experience to know if that was just my particular table, the Excalibur as a whole, or $2/$4 on the Strip in general. I’d appreciate any feedback on the subject.

Anyhow, I just tried to keep my game plan pretty abc and it seemed to work. Every once in a while I’d catch myself playing a speculative hand out of position, but then I’d get back on track. No real spectacular hands to report, but every time I caught something strong I’d always have a few folks follow to the turn and usually one or two to the river for a pretty decent pot. My big starting hands did seem to connect slightly more than average and I was largely able to avoid suckouts, both of which always help. I also tried to focus on getting away from a hand really quickly if I missed a flop. The only thing out of the ordinary was that I got aces cracked and got to spin the wheel. I won $20 (the minimum), which wasn’t quite enough to cover what I lost in the hand but almost. And it was just kinda goofy and fun to do. I did feel mildly weird calling down with a hand I knew was beat (the board was paired with a flush and a straight draw – I wound up losing to some ratty trips) just to get to spin. In all the excitement of spinning I got a little flustered and forgot to toke the dealer for the spin. My apologies to Larry. He was a good dealer and definitely deserved something. I tried to tip fairly generously throughout the night, so hopefully it balanced out.

After three hours I was getting tired and the table suddenly dropped down to six players. I have trouble opening my game up for short-handed play anyways, so I called it a night. I cashed out for $158, giving me a grand total of $30.50 poker profit from 6 hours play over two sessions. Although I like to just say I won $58 in three hours the second time I played. I know it’s not much, but it was still a heck of a good feeling walking back up to the cage with a couple of racks.

And just to cap of my total Vegas experience, I was solicited by a prostitute on my way out of the Excalibur! She actually jumped the handrail on the moving sidewalk in the causeway to run me down. My guess is that I was so full of myself that I was walking like somebody who'd won a lot more than I actually did. Anyways, I was pleasantly surprised that a polite “No thank you” was all it took to end her sales pitch.

Aah, Vegas. I was missing it before I even left. It was an amazingly fun trip and a great chance to catch up with an old friend. Can’t wait to get back.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you and bless you – you’re very patient. I wrote more than I expected, but I’m still pretty stoked from the vacation. Thanks also to the folks responsible for AVP - perhaps the most entertaining and definitely the most civil online community I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been a long time lurker and the site was very helpful in preparing for the trip. Hopefully the above will be helpful to other cheap newbs like me.