self-indulgently lengthy report. no apologies.

started with the best of intentions; get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise daily, play clear-headed, self-controlled poker - just as if i were a real las vegas pro... either that, or behave like a total degenerate gambling poker-junkie. could go either way. 40-60.

trip was suggested by my lovely and supporting wife, to celebrate my 49th birthday. hadn't been to vegas since august of 08. found a cheap flight, $183 rt, and a $245 ten night package at the IP. with poker comps earned, figured i'd easily cover at least one big meal a day. that and my inexhaustible appetite for guinness, didn't anticipate any lack for caloric intake.

thinking i'd play mostly limit, 8-16 and 15-30. brought 2k for gambling. i have too much confidence.

arrived just after midnight, sat the 5th. seven hour trip. cabbie tunneled me, and i dropped at the bellagio back door, steps from the poker room. i have lots of gripes about the bellagio poker room, which i'll cover, but it is still the first place i visit. still the first place i think of when i think poker and las vegas.

sat right away in a loose passive 4-8. second hand, play 34o, eight limpers, un-raised. bet all the way, win uncalled on the river. a few orbits later, i limp on the button w ATo, and call sb raise. call QJ3, two suited flop. turn adds a flush draw and i raise. all fold. game broke soon after and i shift to a 1-2.

great table. a recurring theme this visit, players at my end are friendly, drinking, introductions and hand-shakes, people get nicknames. we root for the chips to migrate ourwards. we make silly raises, wafer-thin value bets, super-hero calls. we are playing late night, inebriated, chip splashing, vacation poker. first of many tables where i acquire the nickname, guinness. by trip's end, i've gained close to ten pounds. good thing i can't get these free at my home casino. at the other end of the table, faces are grim, focussed, fatalistic. i hit a few draws, flop a set, and cash out at dawn, +565.

i stop by the IP check-in desk at 9, not expecting a room until early afternoon. they have one ready, and i get some welcome, un-planned rest. i've always had trouble getting prolonged sleep in vegas. even though i roll over and force myself to stay in bed and get more sleep each time i'm woken, i'm still up before 1, maybe four hours. i really had planned to try and approach this trip with a bit more discipline than past visits ( where by trip's end, i'd be so exhausted i'd need three days in my own bed just to recover from my vacation ). towards that end, i'd decided to do yoga each morning after rising. this is not a pleasant way to start the day. the prospect of twisting my tired body into painful poses first thing did encourage me to stay in bed a little longer. but not much.

nice surprise, as i'm heading down the IP tunnel from the elevators towards their casino, i notice fruit for sale in the tuck shop. a couple of bananas and an apple. great way to recondition the stomach after several pints.

venetian for an afternoon session. only 4-8 going. another really soft game. suffer the suck-out blues. drop a couple racks before some hands hold up, and when a new 8-16 is announced i switch tables. a short-handed game, everyone looks like they've been there before. this is more like it. raise and re-raise pre-flop. lots of stick-handling on the flop. sadly, this game dies quickly and there is no list. the houseman is happy to add a $25 bonus to my venetian card, and i have dinner at the noodle bar next to the sports book.

after dinner, played in a 1-2. no traction, cashed out within a few chips of equal. down around $250 for the first venetian session.

1 am, decide to head back and try for some sleep. didn't mean to keep playing. seriously. trying to establish some rest routine early on. but the game i see in the IP poker pit, as i'm heading to my room, looks way juicy. lots of beer on the table, lots of chatter. i buy in $200. second hand, small raise in early with 66. five callers. 468 rainbow. bet out 60%, next to act throws out a huge raise, about 150% of the pot. then starts talking. tells me he is huge, been waiting all night for a good flop. someone not in the hand chimes in, o yeah, you've been real patient. all fold around to me. i call, then push a blank on the turn. he calls and shows me top set. i play several hours more, until the game breaks. dump another $150. but i do get several corona delivered to my seat. so not a total loss.

drunk, tired, and basically even for the trip, this would be a good time to get some sleep and start over fresh. my room is just upstairs. so of course i head over to the bellagio, notice that the 15-30 is on tilt and jump in. seven stacks later, i'm willing to concede that this may not have been a great plan. with my bankroll halved ( paid cash for the IP room ), i figure i'd better start winning or my trip is going to quickly crash. after sessions in the 4-8, and the 1-2, i'm no closer to busting or cashing, and i'm now quite stupid with fatigue and guinness. i stumble back to the IP and my bed. -1300 in a 33 hour session after four hours sleep. i might be upset with myself, but i did see it coming. at least i have enough to buy in another game.

sleep until dawn, roughly six hours. head over to harrahs for some early 1-2. one game, no joking allowed. coffee and water. play is above average, fairly tight, not a lot of moves, lots of value betting. i buy in a hundred, lose that, buy in another, lose that too. one interesting hand i watched, tourist utg limps, yet again, and is called by the locals sitting in the cut-off and button. they've been at each other quite a bit with some aggressively thin raises. weirdly, this hand is checked all the way down. tourist exclaims he has A-high, and everyone else tosses their hand towards the muck. after tourist tables his A5o, the button says, OH, i got a pair of 6's. dealer tosses him back his cards, explaining that the cards were "retrievable muck. " local flips over his Q6o, drags the eight dollars, stacks. you might be a nit if....

really needing to book a win, i return to the bellagio and the 4-8. early on, limp re-raise with 88. and sb four-bets. flop is 993, i and utg call. 8 on the turn. i raise, sb three-bets, utg folds, i raise, sb pops it again and starts talking. i raise again. he calls. spikes his A on the river. takes until dinner to climb all the way out. get comped to the buffet. head into the night, still needing to book a win, about $700 left.

the excalibur. i'd read the game was soft, certainly hoping so. another good group at my end of the table. lots of drinking, laughing, not a lot of raising or bluffing. if i couldn't cash in this game...several hours in, nothing. up twenty, down twenty. at one point, we decided we must have been playing in the smallest game in vegas at that time, anywhere. i decide it must be time to straddle. AKs. cool. raise to twenty. two callers. A AND K on the flop. bet out, get raised, i re-raise, get all in on the turn. his A7o is crushed. later, i call mid raiser in cut-off w 99. flop is 9A9. he doesn't have an ace. but the wheel gets me $30 and a comically ugly hat, which i dutifully bring home for my lovely wife. $200 winners. that's better. back where i started the day, time for a nap. ( need a full night's sleep, but that won't happen ).

day four begins back at the venetian and another ratty 4-8 where i quickly drop $120, then scramble around even for a few hours, cash out and get comped to another noodle dinner.

take a right turn this evening outside the venetian and end up in a 4-8 at the wynn. action in this game reminds me of those late-night seatbelt raise wars at the hideaway in seattle from about ten years ago. i'm really enjoying the nutty hands being turned over ( three-bet pre-flop w J5o...nice hand sir ) but tonight, i'm not sufficiently funded for the swings. i lose another $120 in just a few orbits.

on the way back to the bellagio, decide to step into bally's. never played there. started in a short 1-2. the players were ok to good. didn't feel like losing yet again, so i asked to move into the 3-6. this is more like it. they were terrible. seriously bad. i won several pots and the game broke. was up almost a hundred, but at the cashier's desk, nan dumped one of my stacks onto the floor behind her. nice auto-tip.

back to the bellagio. another 4-8, the table has a couple tourists along with some savvy aggressive types. i get a little fortunate, make a couple pots, and the game breaks. next to us, is the last 4-8, also short-handed. i sit down next to a man who claims that he's just moved here from minnesota, has just quit drinking, and that he's a short-handed expert. he's the same guy who spiked the ace on me the day before. finally, i hit the zone. i destroy his stack. by the end of the session, i've taken a pot off him with Q-high. no one else wants to play. sat in a 1-2 for a few hours. spun wheels, cashed out basically even for the day.

upon reflecting about my play thus far, decided to play looser pre-flop, to stop paying off when i was sure i was beat, to trust my reads. and do a better job building big pots when i have a big hand. basic stuff, but sometimes i need to remind myself that it's no good being good at reading hands if you aren't prepared to act on the information.

day 5 started at the bellagio. i think their espresso is better than anyone else's. and it is served in a glass. big plus for me. another 4-8, another struggle. cash out down about $100. i make another important decision. no more f*cking limit. i'm not enjoying the game. i'm bored tossing in four dollars at a time. and i got slow-rolled. in a 4-8. how petty. flush completes and after we check the river head's up, villain asks me what i have. "one pair " "how big?" "aces ". he knods, i table my cards. he flips over his flush. just another asshole, right? except next morning, he's there again, this time in his brown bellagio dealer shirt. wow. tall guy, crew cut. elvis?

on a brighter note, had the dealer chuckling to himself when, after the one seat called yet another bet ( seriously, called every bet for several orbits, buying in for $40 each time. and losing it ), i go "bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. "

halfway through the trip, i'm still quite stuck, and worse, the only good thing about the games is all the guinness. so i focus on improving my somewhat sketchy no-limit game. again, i plan to play loose pre-flop, and trust my reads post-flop.
switch to a 1-2 table. about three orbits in, i raise late with Q9s, four callers. flop is Q93, two suits. checked to me, i make a 60% bet. early pos min-raises, one caller ( one of the celebrants from the first night's 1-2, his game i respect ), i push. early position calls, i have him covered. mid hums haws, talks, calculates, calls. about $490 in the pot. my top two stand up against early's Q3 ( !?) and mid's combo. whew. over the next few hours, i lay down AA twice, and dump one flopped set of jacks, each time saving my stack. feeling really good about my reads, i take a break and cash out first good win since night #1. +$400.

after a fine breakfast buffet, i head over to the mgm. first time playing there. sit in a 3-6. last one orbit. zzzzzzz. sit in a new 1-2. five of us. decide to be really aggressive. bluff the first pot from the button with a large turn bet. one hand later, i straddle, get raised by the sb, $15. i find KK. re-raise to $40. she shoves. k's stand and i double up. table fills, i back off from aggressor mode. table is fairly strong. quiet, serious, aggressive types. i stay out of the way for a few orbits, then call a raise from the big blind w JQd. check flop of 5s, 9d, Td , raiser checks, all check. 4d on turn, i make a small bet, raiser calls, rest fold. Kd on river. i bet $30, about half the pot. he raises to seventy. i shove, a big over-bet. he calls and shows his ace. i continue to play reasonably well, and catch some good flops against players having trouble letting go of top pair. i cash out $640 winners. good day. time for a nap.

day 6 starts at the venetian. 1-2 game is dead. i drop out, down about $20. try bills, just because. lose the most excruciating $40 ever. back to the bellagio, and the most fun i've ever had losing $200. ever. around 2 am, a couple of youths join our game. they are wildy drunk, loud, phony gregarious, clearly trying to put one over on all of us. rest of the table comes together and an unspoken agreement comes clear. quietly, the young'ns are destroyed. the finale is sweet. aggro teen #1 raises and is called by pedro, newly arrived from spain, speaking halting english, deep easy laugh, sinking contentedly in his drunken stupor. on the turn, after pedro calls all-in for $176 on a dry board...a ridiculuos overbet which seems to barely interest our spanish hero, young'n flips over yaks, pedro proudly tables his unimproved AKo. spikes a king. young'n is apoplectic. pedro laughs. quite loudly. after young'n #2 passes out at the table, a few chips shy of broke, the mood at the table turns quite festive.

shots all around, everyone earns a nickname. dooggi, a very handsome cuban american from miami, aggrressive, loud, drunk, and friendly. ginger, a red-headed playa', same as above. aussie, in his first ever live game, middle-aged, unintimidated, laughing along. reliable action, he cashes out +$3. bardem, another spaniard, halting english, realizes just in time that his nickname is meant to be complimentary. ringo, an impossibly drunk englishman, early thirties, comically obnoxious, bit of skin hanging off his chin, and glasses missing an arm, so they have just the right tilt. he's been in some kind of altercation, perhaps with himself, or maybe with a sidewalk. houseman warns him as he is sitting in that he is cut off from the bar. even so, at one point, ringo has three gin and tonics simultaneously on the go, along with a cognac and a sweet nipple. he plays loudly, loosely, and with extreme bravado. and we get several shush's. next to ringo is a very quiet brit, trying to stay sober, who we call bubbles, and in the one seat, a stunningly attractive young woman, showing massive cleavage, also nick-named bubbles, who is scheduled to marry dooggi two nights hense. at some point she zips up her front and we change her name to bubble. they call me lunchbox.

dooggi and ginger have a painful man-crush on phil laak, who just happens to be playing upstairs. they take turns siddling up to his table and accidentally brushing up against their idol. they also concoct a brilliant plan to coax laak down to our table for a single orbit of 1-2. tragically, they lose their inertia in the third round of shots and never make it back upstairs to proposition the bomber.

hi-light of the game comes when dooggi pushes and announces all in. ringo responds " what? that? all-in? where are your chips? that supposed to intimidate me? you could count those with one finger. oooooo, all in... " to which, dooggi removes his wallet from a jacket pocket and tosses it in. then in goes his watch. ginger tosses in his watch. bardem adds another watch. i add my passport. play halts for a bit so bardem and aussie can take pictures and the rest of us can dry our eyes.

as early morning turns to actual morning, and the blind drunks wander off, characters are replaced. among the new faces is a weaselly, silent, sober guy who quickly earns the nickname slow-roll. after i lose my second buy-in, ( to a very well-played 42o utg...) and finish the session -400, i retire to tend to a rising pain in my temples. you guessed it, next day i see slow-roll again, in a bellagio dealer shirt. wtf.

return to mgm next evening. game is ok, winning around a hundred when i ask for a table change. second hand at the new table, i've A6o in small blind, un-raised. flop A66. get all of utg's stack/ just over a hundred/ when he turns top two. two hands later, i call with A5o. five way see A7A. utg leads out fifty into a ten dollar pot. little old lady one seat behind me flat calls. i call. 7 on the turn, utg leads wiith sixty. little old lady calls ( she is running out of chips/ i still have about $350. utg has me covered ). five on the river. utg shoves the rest of her stack. i'm about to insta call when i suddenly realize someone must have 77. sh*t. the pot is huge for 1-2. the little old lady is out of chips and hasn't made a sound. utg starts the chat. " i'm huge. i know my hand is good." i call. utg proudly turns over 74s. little old lady tables A3o. tries to stake claim to half the entire pot. nope, most are coming my way. i play for several more hours, cash out up about $550.

day 8

bellagio 1-2, win just under $300. noteworthy is the appearance of crazy mike and the nine hands of $100 blind shove. i win a pot w 88 . shove it all with QQ next hand and lose to AJs. fun. exhausted after several days of just napping, decide to pack it early. on way back to IP, detour into the flamingo. error. tough game. whittle away hundred and a half when i finally flop a set. check-raise turn all-in. lose to rivered flush. lose $300 total. even for the day. take some diazepam, sleep about ten hours. wake feeling much better. yoga, banana, bellagio double espresso, i'm ready for another round.

day 9
starts fast, call utg raiser in bb with 62s. flop comes 666. get it all in on the river, a seven, when he makes sevens full. his death card. i switch tables to join some ladies doing tequilla shots celebrating a birthday. play real loose, drink lots of guinness. nothing happens to my stack. i cash out up $165.

after dinner, another session at the mgm. one great pot, i flop top two with KJo, K on turn, all-in three way, beat KQ and an un-shown hand. couple hands later, i fold T7 after the turn, TT63 board. he shows QT. i cash out up $395.

thinkling i'm ready to sit in a 2-5, make plans to do so if i have one more plus session.

day 10
afternoon session at the bellagio, flop smaller flush, go broke. pissed at myself. no reason to push the hand so hard.

back to the mgm, win a hundy, game is dry, cash out, get comped to the buffet. back to bellagio. time to try 2-5. game looks juicy. loud, drinking cowgirl, holding court. i get the seat to her immediate right. i love sitting just right of the aggressor.

right away she pushes me off a weak holding. a few hands later, i limp late with 53c. flop 246, two diamonds. i bet ten. she raises to forty, all fold, i reraise to a ninety-five. she starts gabbing. i wait. she mucks. a few hands later, i turn the nut flush, wait until the river to move all-in heads up. a couple hands later, aces hold up. i win one more pot, and after cowgirl leaves, i rack, up +400. celebratory dinner at mesa grill. love that food.

after dinner, i give the mirage one last try. gross. something about that room. never felt good there. drop most of a rack. head across the street to the venetian. play until early morning. five canadians all in a row at one end. we are all drinking, gabbing, and are paying $10 for each successful shown bluff with 72. i get even when crazy mike shows up again and i win with yaks.

day 11, back to the bellagio, young man from some mid-country college has about 1500 in front of him. same guy who took all my chips with the over-flush, yesterday. he's about the most casual kller i've ever played against. i play a few hours, get comped for my last buffet before flying home, up some change. country gets up too, with over 2k. biggest stack i saw in a 1-2.

totals for the trip;
1-2 1600
2-5 400
4-8 -240
8-16 -250
15-30 -700

from a tourist/player point of view, there's no excuse for poor game selection. as often noted by others, if one finds oneself in an unprofitable situation, table/casino change is easy and certainly in order.

seems to be several classes of locals playing 1-2. many serious players, some just starting out and hoping to work their way up the ladder, and some playing down in 1-2, recovering bankrolls to make another charge up the food chain. many are silent, overly serious, intensely staring guys. staring at anything and everything. they are often linked to caffeine iv's. they are really unpleasant to play with. they will interact only with other members of their species. the disconnect between what they appear to be striving for, and where they are actually headed, is almost painful.

in stark contrast to the above, another class of serious pro plays a looser, friendlier game. they'll ask where the tourist is from, staying, how long, etc. they play all sorts of hands from all sorts of positions. they are capable of keeping track of all your weaknesses. they think they can out-play everyone at the table post-flop. by and large, they can. these guys are playing 1-2, why? i'm not sure. because the money there is easiest? didn't get around to asking. but i suspect that is so. i think i learned more about how to play NLHE in games populated with these pros, than at any other time.

there are also a few classes of casual locals. most are retired, playing serious poker but with no financial pressure to win. a similar class of casual player, also retired, are there to play and drink. both of these types are good for the game as they are often quite ready and willing to play a 'fun' game. i found many of these types in games at the bellagio. i found many of the first class of serious players at the mgm. but the mgm had so many terrible players that the games were good anyway.

there is one other type of player who appears endemic to the low-limit game. he's always a he, always in his twenties, always dolled up, perhaps a pointy little fro-hawk, and always talking. according to him, he is just slumming in your 1-2, re-building his stake. usually, he claims, he plays much bigger on-line. invariably, he's cashed big in a tourny somewhere, and knows lots of name pros. and generally, he plays like sh*t. something along these lines; raise with trash under the gun, call a large raise from a tight player in middle position, head's up, call another over-bet on a dry flop when they catch a piece. if they happen to hit again, they'll whisper loudly to the unfortunate sufferer sitting next " i knew he had aces ". one of the great pleasures of the whole week, was watching 'country' the quiet college kid, eviscerate one such jabber-jockey, several times, over a two day session.

a word or two about rooms. bellagio and mgm had some terrible dealers. worse than any other room. they also had some great dealers. mostly, they were good to very good. but the worst i encountered were at mgm and bellagio. surly, slow, unable to read hands, or boards. lazy. several i recognized from previous trips. don't know how they still have jobs, nor why they haven't improved over the last several years. not even a little bit.

i only encountered one houseman who i thought needed a personality transplant. works the bellagio day shift. otherwise, i was treated from very well, to great, in all rooms. even the rooms i hated, like the flamingo, i was well-treated by floor staff.

i preferred the atmosphere at the bellagio, mgm, and venetian most. i think the space reserved for poker, and the high ceilings, allowed for a much lower concentration of cigarette smoke, than in other rooms. bally's and excalibur felt like playing in a cafeteria. i've never felt at ease in the mirage. not sure why. hated the flamingo. too bright, way way too smokey. likewise the IP. never sat down in the ph, despite making several visits. no action times i was there.

and finally, my bobby's room sightings; negreanu, harman, doyle, antonio, laak, the mouth, ivey, antonious. negreanu was sitting cross-legged up in his chair, chatting amiably, casually tossing one chip after another into the pot. the dealer looked really small.

next planned trip, last two weeks of march. hope to see everyone at the avp tournies.