Below I have written 2 trip reports. Only one is true…. See if you can spot it.

A.) I get on my flight from KC to Vegas on SW airlines. Flight is generally uneventful until the guy across the aisle from me starts frantically trying to light what looks like a bottle rocket sticking out of his shoe. I disable him with a Business Reply card that I rip from the in-flight magazine. The arterial spray soaked three rows of seats that the airline must now replace. Presidential Medal of Freedom impending.

After a quick debriefing with the LVPD, I’m looking forward to washing the blood off me and changing clothes, and I hop in a cab bound for the TI. Interestingly enough, the cabbie does not try to use the tunnel, refuses a tip, and doesn’t utter any racial or ethnic slurs for the whole ride! Go figure…..

When I check in at TI there is no wait. The receptionist says “As of October, we have started collecting a $20 resort fee, but, you seem like a nice guy, so we’re going to waive it for ya!” Nice!

After a quick shower, in which the water drained well from the tub and there were no stray pubic hairs stuck to the shower curtain, I head over to Caesars to play in their noon tournament. I get pocket AA five times, and they always hold up. Sweet. I make the final table with 90% of the chips in play, and offer an even chop of the prize money. Two guys refuse, so I say “o.k., lets play it out”….. I take one guy out the very next hand with my 4 2 offsuit. I offer to chop again (now with 92% of the chips), and the same guy who refused earlier starts to say something, but another player punches him in the huevos (I think it was Charlie Sheen, but I’m not sure), and we chop it up.

I grab some grub at the Burger Brasserie—Burger with bacon, blue cheese, and avocado—protein, dairy, and omega-3 rich vegetable in one convenient little package. Waitress pops the cap off my beer in her cleavage, and services me under the table. I shout “Vegas Baby”!

I head over to Bally’s, the room is full of guys playing 1/2NL. I ask the floor why its so full on a weekday in the early afternoon, and he tells me that there’s a convention of lottery winners staying at the hotel for a financial planning seminar. Their morning session was entitled “Making sure you enjoy your money, and spreading the wealth“ and they had just come into the casino after that one broke. People at the table keep asking things like “so what’s better, three of a kind or two pair?” and “how many of the cards do I need to use?” I was exhausted, and finally left around 2am as the room cleared out, up about $3500.

I head back to TI, and hit the rack. The place is totally silent…. Nobody slams any doors or shouts down the hallway all night, and I sleep like a baby.

I went over to the Bellagio, and I was immediately able to get onto a table. Nobody smelled bad, and I had plenty of room at my seat. Also, nobody rivered me, not even once, at the 4-8 limit game. Daniel Negreanu (I call him Danny) railbirded me for a while, and was so impressed with my play that he offered to stake me in the WSOP main event next summer. “Nah” I said, “I hate the poker room at the Rio.” But, he drove me to his place and we played Golden Tee all night, and drank a bottle of sake.

I was playing over at PHo one night at 1/2NL and the floor announced that Jason Alexander (aka George Castanza of Seinfeld fame) was in the room and they were getting a 2/5NL game together with him, and anybody who wanted to could sit at it. I grabbed a seat, and played. The guy was a total DB, and kept dropping names: “Seinfeld….. blah blah”, “me and Kramer…. Blah blah.” He and I got to be the big chip leaders before getting involved in the following pot: I called a big raise of his with AK suited, and flopped the royal. Unfortunately for him, he turned 4 aces and we got it all in. When we flipped over our cards he vomited on the table, and crapped his pants. Then, he looked at us all very sternly and said “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right?” and waddled from the room mumbling about how life was unfair if you weren’t one of the beautiful people.

Otherwise, the trip was fairly uneventful. Danny picked me up and drove me to the airport, with his dog Mushu sitting in my lap. When he dropped me off we fist-bumped and I promised to give him some lessons next time I was in town.

B.) I get on my flight from KC to Vegas on SW airlines. Flight is generally uneventful until the guy across the aisle from me starts retching into his backpack after a little turbulence. I hand him my air sickness bag and a packet of wet wipes. No, I don’t need those back. Flight attendant thanks me.

Cabbie seems like a nice guy and doesn’t try to tunnel me. We start talking about the economy and its effects on Vegas. After giving me a once over in the rear-view mirror, and seeing that I’m a white guy, he feels its o.k. for him to blame the “wet backs” and the “camel jockeys.” Nice.

I get to the TI and they inform me that as of October, they are collecting a $20 resort fee. I’m clearly unhappy about it (having booked through priceline, which doesn’t disclose resort fees), and he tries to tell me that some law has been passed that “requires” hotels in Vegas to assess one. I’m fairly certain he’s full of it, but decide not to tangle with some flunky who’s probably no happier than I am about it, because I’m sure he gets a world of crap for it.

I played a tourney over at Caesars, and stuck in it like a cockroach that can’t be killed, and managed to run up a pretty good stack by the final table. On one hand, I had AJ suited in middle position and made a standard raise. A guy who looked a lot like Michael Clark Duncan (large Black guy from the movie the Green Mile, and does cameo on 2 ½ men), but bigger, pushes all-in. He’d been making a lot of these moves, so I call him. He flips over 77. I flop a J, but he turns a 7 for a set. I’m crippled, then out shortly.

I grab some grub at the Burger Brasserie—Burger with bacon, blue cheese, and avocado—protein, dairy, and omega-3 rich vegetable in one convenient little package. Waitress pops the cap off my beer with an opener she removes from somewhere inside her shirt/bra/cleavage arrangement. Nice touch.

To be totally honest, this was the most uneventful trip to Vegas I’ve had (of about 5), and I don’t remember a lot of details. I had to call security one night at the TI because a bunch of tools with rooms around mine were slamming doors, knocking really loudly on each others’ doors, shouting down the hallway, etc.—I thought they’d give up eventually, but they didn’t. When security came up, I heard them threaten to kick them out, which I was actually surprised (and impressed) by. Unfortunately, I had a horrible night of sleep that night.

I was playing at Pho one night at 1/2NL and the floor announced that Jason Alexander (George Castanza of Seinfeld fame) was in the room and they were getting a 2/5NL game together with him and anybody who wanted to could sit at it. I was kind of tired and ready to leave, so I didn’t, but in retrospect, I should have. I was at the next table over for about ½ hour before I left, and he seemed to be chatting amiably with people at the table and having a nice time, and just playing some cards.

One hand of note—At Harrahs late one morning I raised in late position with QQ and was called by 2-3 others. Flop came out like K-6-2 rainbow, and it checked to me. I bet something like $30, hoping to take it down there, and got one caller. Turn was a Q, giving me a set. V checks to me, and I tried to bet something I thought he could call if he had a K, which is what I put him on—something like $40. He goes all-in, I insta-call, and he shows a set of 6’s. Just good luck on my part, and horrible luck for him.

The only other interesting hand I was involved with was one I posted in the strategy forum (see here: http://www.allvegaspoker.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=10398), which I didn’t play particularly well. But really, the most remarkable thing about this trip was that very few remarkable things/hands happened. I think I ended my trip up a few hundred, but never played a session that was + or – more than about $150.

I did finally play at the Bellagio, after trying at least twice on earlier trips, but being on the wait list for far too long. I was on a 4-8 table with reasonably competent people for the most part. After I was there for a while, this really drunk Australian guy sat down. He had an accent that would make Crocodile Dundee sound like he was from Iowa (no offense Grange). He played kind of loose, but was pretty affable in general, at first I thought he might be putting on an act, but after I saw him put down about 5 drinks within a ½ hour, I was convinced he wasn’t. He seemed to be throwing a little too many bets around, and then there was a hand that was capped pre-flop with about 6 players, including DA (drunk Australian). Flop comes out kind of ragged, with low/middle cards and two diamonds. DA bets, and is immediately raised by the woman to his left, who he’s been kind of pissing off by invading her space. Call, call, call, call back to DA who kind of shrugs and says “I’ve got a huge draw” and calls. Turn is another diamond, and the board has something like 5, 7, 8 diamonds on it. DA is first to act, and fires out is $8. Pissed off woman raises, and it is called back to him again. He says “Well, I’ve got a straight flush!” in slurred drunken-speak, but very loud and clear, and re-raises. Pissed-off woman caps it, and it is called around. Don’t remember the river, but DA bets, pissed off woman calls, and everybody else just calls (I think)—and sure enough DA flips over the turned straight-flush and pulls down a HUGE pot for 4-8. I don’t know what anybody else had, but probably at least one flush and some sets/two-pair etc.

All-in all, not a bad trip, but just kind of uneventful. I’ll probably try to spice it up with some higher limit games, and maybe some shows next time I’m in town (mid January).